June 2010
Again.
I feel overwhelmed. Like everything is piling up at once. Maybe I shouldn’t feel like that; life is pretty simple right now. But it still sucks that certain things have happened. That one event lead into another and that the course of things couldn’t swing another way; My way. I don’t feel less because of what happened. In fact, because of what happened I feel… better....
DVNO
FOUR CAPITAL LETTERS.
Ah, Summer.
It’s Summer time again, children, and you know what that means! That’s right; another riveting round of “Who Can Get Darker Than Andy?!”
Let me explain.
Out of my whole family I’m the least Caucasian. I know that sounds like a silly way to put it, but it’s easier than saying that I’m adopted and darker than everyone, etcetera. So because of my naturally...
PS: that last line may have been added.
Her: So you're set on this.
Me: You've spent the last week trying to convince me otherwise. Layoff.
Her: You're an idiot.
Me: I might be.
Her: She's using you.
Me: Probably.
Her: Don't you have any doubts?
Me: I do. I have a thousand doubts. Hell, I'm sure that if he did fuck up she would still be with him because that's the kind of person she is. But she doesn't deserve to be that person anymore. Not when there is better. Not when... she openly admits that better is right here. So yes, I have a thousand doubts. "What if she's lying?", "what if she's just saying this to pacify me?", "what if she doesn't really care?" But I don't worry about them anymore. I'm not going to change my mind. It's been less than a freaking day since she left and you want me to go back on the one promise I made to her? I'm sorry but what kind of self-serving friend are you? You say you want me to be happy and she makes me happy. So let me be a child for a year. Let me hold onto this false hope that maybe in thirteen months she'll actually realize what she could have had, what we could have. I know it's selfish of me. I know it's asking a lot of you. But I have to wait. I have to see.
Her: Don't you fucking get it? I want to be with you.
Me: I know.
Her: ... Why aren't you with me then?
Me: I promised her I would wait.
Her: What's so special about her? What makes her so fucking different?
Me: You won't like the answer.
Her: Try me, jackass.
Me: She doesn't just say things.
Her: ...
Me: i'm sorry
Her: 13 months is a long time for a maybe.
Me: I know.
Her: You could move on.
Me: I know.
Her: She's not worth it.
Me: You don't know that.
Her: Prove me wrong. What has she done to make this justified? When hasn't she hurt you? When has she done anything but make you sad?
Me: That time when I wake up in the morning and I feel right with the world because I know there is someone out there who cares for me. Who cares for me more than she cares for anyone right now. Who won't stop caring even after what I've said and done.
Her: Cares more?! Who the fuck is she with? You or him?
Me: If I was more of a man it would be me.
Her: Stop bullshitting yourself. She's not going to leave him.
Me: You don't know that.
Her: And you do?
Me: No. But 13 months isn't that a long of a time.
Her: For a maybe it is.
“You remember that girl that you once knew? The one you loved and cared for? The one that you tended to, helped her grow into a beautiful and mature woman? Well this is who she became. This is the aftermath. This is the girl that you left behind, you selfish bastard. Are you happy? You think you can just go back and fix this? You’re a fool. Always have been. You can’t fix...
I hate who I’ve become.
I’m not stating this in angry. I’m stating it as a fact.
It’s 5 AM and I hate who I’ve become.
asfdasasghakfdgjdfl
Andrew says:
I like you still Sami.
You're a sweet girl.
Find a nice guy.
Plox.
Sami says:
I have found a nice guy.
Andrew says:
Oh.
Sami says:
He just lives in Canada.
We met (roughly) January 28th, 2010. It is currently June 18th, 2010. You said 13 and 1/2 months from today. That would be July 18th, 2011. From January 28th, 2010 to July 18th, 2011 is 536 days.
536 Days Of You.
- Dandy.
Me: I think I'm the 'eh' part of 'meh'.
Someone Really Cool: I think you're the 'mmm' part of 'meh'.
-shescalledpika:
crashbandacooch:
partyranger:
crashbandacooch:
partyranger:
crashbandacooch:
wow this is getting really fucking old
you complain a lot about tumblr
big fucking deal i could care less
i was just saying you never seem happy at all about what goes on here
because this isn’t middle school i mean seriously not everyone has to get involved in this shit let the two...
I Know That Soon.
You’re going. And nothings going to change that. It just sucks that… that’s how this is going to end. That there isn’t some kind of magic words I can say to you to make you stay, there isn’t anything I can do to stop you from going. And it just really hurts.
No.
It doesn’t hurt. It just…
I want to be with you. And. When I say that I’m going to...
1 tag
Day One.
inb4canadawinstheworldcup
Oh hi.
I’m writing this for you it’s 12 AM and I’m actually talking to you right now but I’m still writing this to let you know that when it all goes to shit, I’ll be there for you.
Hell, I’ve been house hunting for three months. Job hunting for two. I’m ready for a change. I think you knew that though.
Life.
Life is a cruel fucking bitch. But through a series of events that chain back to almost ten years ago, a girl that I met at a summer camp and thought I would never meet ever again is. Right in front of me.
I know I’m one of those love struck fools, but if this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.
Sporcle: Bohemian Rhapsody →
You know you wanna.
I'm Deleting This.
Well, not deleting. But forewarning all of my followers that my activity will be taking a sharper drop and what not. I’ll be using another blog to stay in contact with someone important to me, but that’s all I need. I’m happy now.
I really am.
We laughed until we had to cry. And we loved right...
i don’t want you to go. but i don’t get what i want.
i hope you understand if i hold it against you that you’re leaving me.
jk.
kinda.
autumnninjuly started following you
I don’t know who you are or how you heard about my tumblog, but thanks for the follow.
Dear tumblr,
I haven’t written one of these in a long time. I should start by letting you know that there is a infestation of beetles in my room. They keep me up all night with their racket. As much as I love British singing sensations, I cannot stand to hear “can’t buy me loooove, love” one more time.
You Know The Password. →
No one said letting go was easy.
No one said anything was easy.
i’m trapped where i want to belong
